Refilling my cup

If I’m being completely honest, it has been difficult to bring myself to write anything that I would deem “substantial” as an edition to this newsletter. I keep on thinking about that saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, and lately, my cup has teetered more often than not, on empty.

Last week my therapist asked me about my needs. It seems really obvious, right? We all have needs and desires as human beings, and we should make sure they are met. I like to think that I am a pretty somatically-aware person, and I was sure that I was meeting my immediate needs. Nonetheless, my therapist asked me to write at the top of a fresh page in my notebook, “What do I need?” I watched in awe as my pen filled the page. My needs were a combination of physical, emotional, and spiritual, big things and little things. There were items on the list that were so simple that I was frankly a little embarrassed that I hadn’t met them as yet. What I realized was how much I put my needs after everything else.

The thing is, when there is no fuel in the tank, the car will not go. And one thing I know really well is that creating from an empty cup is flat out useless. If my needs aren’t met, how can I possibly be of service to others? Right now, my priority and focus needs to be on fulfilling these needs and desires.

I think it’s important to offer this additional framework when doing this exercise: my therapist suggested to not distinguish too harshly between a need and a want. I have certainly spend most of my life throwing my wants on the back-burner because they seem comparatively frivolous to a need. But, when I think about it, wants are just things that society or our family or peers have told us are not critical for basic survival. They are usually the things that I am embarrassed to admit that I need in my unique version of what it means to survive on the planet. What if we challenged ourselves to reframe our wants into a more nuanced need? Because really, at the end of the day, a want is just something we personally need—a thing that may not resonate with everyone, but will personally bring us some comfort. And that feels incredibly empowering to acknowledge.

So, I am in a season of refilling my cup, answering both my needs and wants. And I’m pretty excited about it. I took it upon myself to indulge in some of the things on my list that felt accessible this past week, and I want to share a few with you.

---

The Butter hat. A few weeks ago, Dan and I stumbled upon a gourmet grocery-style store called Sullivan Sundries in Jeffersonville and we bought a lot of cheese and really special cured meats. One of the owners was wearing this hat, and I, a lover of fancy ass butter myself, needed it. So, two weeks later, when we returned to pick up our reserved portion of their award-winning bleu cheese, I became the proud owner of this hat.

In search of chocolate chip cookies. One of the things I discovered on my needs list was the desire for chocolate chip cookies. So, every time I encountered a good looking chocolate chip cookie in the past week or so, I indulged. And because it feels important to share, here’s my short list of favorites I came across:

Moka Origins for its delicious dark chocolate chunks and sea salt dusting,

Fellow Mountain Cafe for its classic chunky chocolate chip that was soft and crunchy,

Rosie General for its milk and dark chocolate blobs, dusted with flaky salt,

& Jeffersonville Bakeshop for its thick and chewy version that could very well be baked in a muffin tin for its height.

Re-watching old movies. During our cabin stay this week, with a roaring fire by our feet, we watched The Little Rascals. I think the last time I watched this movie was when I was six or seven. It was amazing to re-watch it as an adult. I laughed way more than I expected. I would highly recommend watching this movie (or any of your old favorites) if it has been a while like it had been for me!

The new cider mill. One of my favorite shops in Livingston Manor is Homestedt, and the couple behind this shop just opened their new shop in a historic cider mill. The space just opened yesterday (thanks to my pal Hallie for flagging the opening!), and it is everything that I hoped it would be. Cozy wood interiors, dust specks sparkling in the streams of light coming into the darkened space, penny candy in jars behind the counter, and hanging taper candles. The couple plans to serve tea and coffee in 2024, and make their own cider by this time next year. I loved perusing the inventory and fell in love with so many things. I ended up buying a candle for a hosting gift I’m putting together for Thanksgiving.

The moon charm. I received this gorgeous surprise in the mail this week from a jewelry brand called Franny e. that I follow on Instagram. They sent it out of pure generosity and kindness, and it warmed my heart. I had no idea what was coming, and when this sweet little moon showed up I was thrilled.

Earlier this week I stumbled upon an old book of Jewish meditation practices for sleep. I flipped through the first few pages and landed on this passage about Judaism and its relationship to the moon:

“The Jewish sages said that the soul of the Jewish people can best be understood in terms of the moon, rather than the sun. The sun appears in a blaze of glory, but at night it disappears completely. The moon can be seen to grow small and large, day after day and night after night, but it always returns to fullness. The sages saw the history of the Jewish people in terms of the symbolism of the waxing and waning moon. Israel is the small light, which appears in its glory only after the sun has set.”

The Jewish calendar follows the cycle of the moon. The full moon always represents joy and celebration, aligning with the high holidays. I’ll never forget last year in October, driving through the Judean desert at dusk as the moon rose into the sky. It was the day before Sukkot, and the almost full moon danced above the pink hills. I felt so peaceful and complete that night.

This necklace reminds me of the beauty of the full moon and all of the goodness that it represents.

Long walks. We took a walk yesterday afternoon and although the temperature was brisk, moving felt really great. It’s officially hunting season and as planned, my orange beanie is coming in handy. On our way back home this buck crossed the road and stood in this golden-lit field.

I hope you enjoy this holiday week with the things that fill your cup. And if you’re up for sharing, what are some of the things that you need right now?

---