Hello from late summer

A collection of random thoughts that have been on my heart

Y’all. When did it become August 21st? And why does it feel like autumn in New York City?

These are some of the questions that have been swirling around in my head for days. And no, I’m not ready for the fall yet. I blinked and suddenly July was over and August crept in, fleeting as quickly as July did. I went to Miami in late June and planned to write you all about how pivotal that solo trip was.

I had so many plans for the summer. I still haven’t had a Mr. Softee ice cream, and I haven’t had one of those random summer nights where wandering takes you to delightfully strange places. I haven’t had an outdoor, sweaty dance session, and I didn’t even have a proper Rockaway beach day.

What did happen, however, is that I took a job working in retail. Since June, I’m back to being a sales associate—a role I worked in my early 20s. Most days, I stand by the fitting rooms helping customers find amazing new outfits. I’ve spent most of July and August commuting to Manhattan, battling crowds in Soho on my breaks to grab a coffee. I also learned how to make jewelry. If I take a moment to reflect, this entire summer has actually felt quite pivotal. It’s been emotionally big, like a dance in flames purifying my body and mind and thrusting me into a pace of life that I haven’t experienced in quite some time.

Life seems to continue to challenge my expectations of where I’d be by now, post-2020. (Yes, I’m still processing these past five years.) I’ve been feeling like I’m dusting off the cobwebs that were covering a beautiful old mirror and seeing my reflection in it for the first time in a really, really long time. It’s as though I’m reacclimating to who I’ve become and reorienting my compass to how I want to show up as a person in this world. I’m no longer complacent; I feel a lot of burning desire in my belly. There have been a few moments this summer that have fundamentally shifted the way I think, move, and am. Mirrors in the form of people and places that have come bearing lessons and messages that have blown me away.

My trip to Florida was one of those mirrors. Finally, following through with a solo trip—a thing I’ve daydreamed about for literal years—felt like a monumental thing. Miami was a portal that I jumped into, not knowing what she had in store for me. Booking a flight “for fun” for the first time in my life, taking ten full days for myself and not worrying about how it may inconvenience anyone else, (because I spend most of my days holding that burden of thought) getting there and truly r-e-l-e-a-s-i-n-g all of my muscles— my jaw, my belly, my thighs. Allowing myself to stop gripping onto false timelines and deadlines and deciding to fully embrace the life of a mermaid and reminisce about my blissful 90’s childhood growing up in South Florida. I didn’t hold myself accountable for doing anything but what my heart and internal compass of truth told me to do. It was wild to experience the way my body surrendered by day four. I’ve never really experienced anything like it in my life. I didn’t realize how much I was gripping, clenching, and holding onto unnecessary postures and expectations. I slept for the first two days more than I would normally allow and had to bat away the instinctual judgment that washed over me for “wasting time” and remember that rest is *not* a luxury. I ate at a restaurant called Motek twice with no one to tell me otherwise. Middle Eastern food is my ultimate comfort and makes me feel like I am most at home. I had smoothies any time my body craved them, no matter the hour of the day. And after three days of attempting to get to all the neighborhoods on the mainland of Miami, I finally relaxed into the idea of just taking it slow—riding a Citi bike up and down the coast of South Beach with a view of turquoise waters and copious sweat beads on my shoulders. I got so sunburned rotating between lying on a beach chair, wading into the crystal clear ocean, and snacking on Bamba. All of it was bliss. My dear mum treated me to a massage at The Standard, and after it was over, I lay by the pool looking out at the bay, letting raindrops stain my book and cool my skin. I bought myself a perfume that would remind me of this trip, and every time I spray it on my collar bones, I am reminded of this deep and soft, knowing power.

I am fully whole within myself.

On the last evening of the trip, I changed my flight. This is a thing I have never entertained doing. But something in my reinforced gut told me to. And I listened to her. Even when it tapped into my triggers of being “too much” and “dramatic,” I let my intuitive self take the lead. I flew out a few hours later on a 6 am flight, and when I landed in New York, I received an email informing passengers that their flights would likely be delayed due to severe weather across the country.

Eating a bagel on the couch for breakfast that morning, I felt as though I hadn’t gone anywhere. The only hint of my trip was my packed suitcase by the door. It felt as though I had been shot back up through this magic portal from another dream-state dimension—but the lessons from Miami stuck.

I have this habit of sweeping past these things that drain a lot of life force out of me while they’re in process, and when it’s over, I think, “Oh, it wasn’t that big of a thing,” and it goes by un-celebrated. In July, I also made the most money I’ve made all year, and I found myself sweeping that under the rug of accomplishments, too. I know that these things are worth celebrating. I’m working on taking more time to take a deep breath and truly reflect, making space for the joy of these accomplishments.

I’ve been wondering if maybe I don’t stop to celebrate because life often feels like it’s moving too quickly for me to fully digest each moment. Everything feels urgent—expedited. I’ve been working 4+ days in person, and while it’s been (unexpectedly) a literal blast, it makes my weeks fly by faster than I’d like. Modern life has a way of shuttling us to work and events, and across a wide breadth of topics online within mere hours, and something about that is beginning to grate on me. It feels unnatural—forced even.

I had hoped that this summer would be a space for me to lean into a more nostalgic way of living. I am craving slower, more purposeful consumption. Coffee without scrolling on a smartphone, immersing deep into a romantic, cheesy book. Taking a ferry ride and watching the city go by.

I had dinner with Alex, a very old friend of mine. We were best friends from 1997-2000, and we did practically everything together. We hadn’t seen each other in over 12 years(!) and something in me felt the call to reconnect. We met at Café Gitane, and I wasn’t sure if we’d have anything to talk about. But boy, did we. One of our biggest takeaways from the evening was how much we aimed to live like our mums did in the 90s. They were fabulous. They’d host parties and get dressed up, and go shopping at all the coolest stores.

But I think what made them most iconic was the way that they were fully engaged with us and each other. They were living in every single moment fully and with so much life force. It felt truly happy. Exhilarating even.

I’m headed to Europe next week, and my biggest debate has been whether or not I should bring my DSLR camera. It’s heavy and bulky and takes up my entire purse. Part of me is romanticizing the idea of traveling with just a film camera and leaning hard into a more analog experience, but the fear of missing incredible photogenic moments haunts me.

Perhaps this is the moment I put myself to the test, following my gut and intentionally moving a touch slower to take in the world one thing at a time, just as we used to.

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A few things I’ve been excited about:

-Raazi Tea. This tea is delightful not only in taste but also in packaging. The whole presentation makes my evening tea ritual so much more special.

-Jones Road for my updated beauty routine. I went in for their brow gel and left with the new beauty balm palette and a creamy concealer pencil. My routine has always been insanely low-maintenance, and these few steps punch up my whole presentation by a lot. I’m loving how my face looks throughout the day.

-This jacket at Madewell

-Massages at Spencer’s. High-key recommend a massage at Spencer’s. The whole experience was divine, and I will be back for more

-I’m making rings! I can’t believe I’m creating real, live rings in metal. It’s wild and exciting. I will be listing these pieces in mid-September, but if you like something you see, reach out. I’ve been fulfilling early orders! :)

-And finally, this article.

All of my love,

M