Friends, 2022 has put me on my ass.
Here I am, post-whatever-this-period-of-time-we-are-living-through is (awakening? rebirth?) with a sense of deep disappointment in myself because, by mid-June, I had hit a level of burnout that was unsustainable. I was waking up with blurred vision, I was irritable, and honestly, barely making it through each day. And now, in September, with just a slice of my old self back from the depths of exhaustion, I’m here to declare that burnout is…cheugy. I am at a point in my life where I am looking myself straight in the face to ask, “is this the type of life I want to live?” We all hit the big old reset button in 2020. Was I just about to slide into old societal habits? Continuing to live life on the hamster wheel of productivity?
When I first met corporate culture this February, there were so many things I observed that felt inherently wrong and outdated. Suddenly, I felt transported back to an office in 2015, sitting at my desk from 9a-5p, taking very few breaks, and scarfing down lunch while answering emails. When I began to discuss my concerns about this lifestyle with friends, family, and colleagues, I was met with an allied exasperated sigh followed by a hearty shrug and an offering of, “this is just the way it is”. I felt powerless as to how I should advocate for myself against the backdrop of (new to me) corporate semantics. I never had to navigate these unfamiliar waters. (How does one say they’re burnt out without saying they’re burnt out? Why in the world does burnout indicate weakness?(!))
I have slipped into a way of working that is so capitalism-serving. It’s the WeWork era, hustle harder bullshit. I mean truly. We all know (or are learning quickly) that we are valuable just because we are alive. We all matter and all play a role in this mycelial network of humanity we exist in. My (millennial) generation was raised to think that “time is money” and that supernatural productivity is the most valuable human resource we have. The more we work, the more we rise, and the more we rise, the more relevant we become. And what is life if you are not on a 30 under 30 list? As a millennial, we have been encouraged to throw our whole bodies into work to become successful. Deep in the era of lady bosses, hustling and (when you’re tired) hustling harder, seemed like the only way to live. Since joining the traditional workforce, I was noticing more and more that I was allowing my precious time and space to be cannibalized by projects and deadlines that frankly, are made up by other humans. Yes, a sense of promptness and efficiency is important, but fooling myself into thinking that if I chain myself to my desk for eight hours I will magically be more productive than I would if I took breaks is plain inefficient.
We are so much more than our jobs. And I know we can’t keep going at the speed we are going. We are complex, multi-hyphenate beings who need to be outside in the fresh air daily. We need time within our communities, and we need to spend time giving back. We are not machines. And we need to let corporate know that we are no longer willing to sacrifice these basic human needs.
I want to move slower and smarter. I want to take vacation and not feel guilty about wanting more vacation days. Or that I can’t be honest about being burnt out. And the thing is, I need these resets. We all do. Humans need to prioritize other humans. Humans need to celebrate their own bodies, because it’s the one vessel we get. We have come to a point where we look at the functionality and happiness of the employee over the functionality and success of the company. People over product is an imperative state of mind. If we aren’t working happy, the world won’t be healthy. And if we don’t have a healthy society, then we have absolutely nothing.
So, I’ve begun to redraw my boundaries. In the past two months, I am working toward taking daily proper lunch breaks where I dine with real silverware, plates, and time. I’ve begun taking walks in the fresh air, especially while the weather is still good and sunny. Sometimes I listen to podcasts, and some days I just listen to the birds. I give my eyes time in the daylight. I’m taking more deep belly breaths at my desk. I’m reading books for pleasure. These boundaries have become so sacred to me, yet seem to be so sorely eroded in our society.
I can see the tides are changing. Companies are announcing four day work weeks, and more employers are offering flexible work schedules. Some people are just quitting and starting their own companies. There are more and more opinion pieces on taking breaks, the importance of work-life balance, and why we should choose being there for our family and friends over work. And each day that I wake up, I aim to live my life in this rhythm. Burnout might get me again, but I know that it’s the daily selfishness of putting myself first that will help me avoid it.
So repeat after me: burnout is cheugy.
My essentials for a good break:
A good playlist.
Barefoot footwear.
Sun-loving body oil.
A luxurious notebook.
If you do take a walk, this podcast was worth the listen.
If you’re in DC, a stop at Yerevan for an afternoon Armenian coffee.
Agree.